Out and about the other day I watched a husband and wife in the store struggle through a simple conversation because the husband would constantly interrupt his wife.
It was fascinating to watch. She’d have an idea, begin to share it, but only get half a sentence out before he would jump in and finish her thought.
What was heartbreaking was her response. The minute he started talking, she wilted. Her head dropped, her spirit deflated, and any potential for connection was lost.
Here’s the truth about interrupting…
- Interrupting is rooted in both pride and insecurity.
- You are so desperate to be understood that you literally can’t listen to another person’s thoughts or feelings.
- You believe more words will help you be understood when the exact opposite is true. More words create more confusion, not less.
- When you interrupt, you’re clearly telling your spouse that what you have to say is more important.
- You suck at mind-reading. You always have and you always will. Why? because it simply isn’t possible. Despite what you believe, you really don’t know what the other person is going to say.
Good communication requires both talking AND listening. Without the listening part, no one will be heard or understood.
If you’ve been an interrupter, the very first thing you need to do is apologize to your husband or wife. Own it. Don’t make excuses or try to explain. Show genuine remorse for how you’ve hurt them.
Second, stop it. I know it won’t be easy, but tell them you’re going to work on it. You won’t be good at it at first but don’t stop trying.
Third, whenever someone else is talking, wait for them to finish. Even when they take a long pause, wait. They aren’t done yet. Once they’re done with their thought, I want you to wait a full 30 seconds before responding. Believe me, this will be harder than you think but will be absolutely necessary if you want to break the interrupting habit.
Try these three simple things out and let us know in the comments how it works out for you.
Wishing you the best,
Paul & Shannon